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about three years ago, we discovered that the end was near, in math class. we were cutting out newspapers for a project, and there was this big headline: the end is near! it turned out to be an advertisement for a used car salesman, but it was stuck in our mind for all eternity. on the same page, there was a column that said "ask jim" at the top, so we decided that jim was the guru atop the mountain of armageddon.

anyway, jim (who has since become another voice in mayhem's mind) has informed us of several signs that judgement day is coming.

first, there is another bush in the white house. if he doesn't blow the nation up after accidentally sitting on that big red button and setting off all the nu-kyew-ler bombs in this home of the brave, he'll break the economy like a three-year-old with a fine bone china plate. we don't matter anyway, all that really matters to our dear dubya is his investments in the oil companies from the middle east.

also, yups have taken over the nation. yeah, that's right, those loveable young urban professional types have finally dominated common sense. instead of drinking tap water (oh, forgot, our dear dubya got rid of arsenic regulation, don't drink the tap water after all), they drink expensive bottled water, and instead of home-brewing coffee like normal folk, they buy insanely fattening coffee product from coffee mongers like starbucks and caribou. plus, their status-symbol suvs are doing a great job of destroying the environment. they fly their little american flags while all that gas money goes straight to the middle eastern terrorist types. he profited from september eleventh, my dear republican patriots--remember that.

there are people living in poverty all over the world, and the united states does nothing to help. we're the richest damn country in the world--i mean, come on, our young middle-class folks pay four bucks for a little cup of coffee every morning. there are eight hundred million people in the world are starving right now--that number hasn't changed at all for decades. eight hundred million people--that's a little under one-sixth of the world population. that is just mind-boggling, really. so many people are dying, while obesity is an "epidemic" in america. this is disgusting. COME OUT OF YOUR MICROCOSM. THERE ARE PEOPLE DYING OUT THERE WHILE YOU SIP YOUR STARBUCKS AND CRUISE AROUND ON YOUR CELL PHONES.

this is starting to become a rant, so i think i'll be quiet... i'll add some more as i think of it.